Evens and Odds

When I started landscaping our backyard with my dad last spring, he would always tell me that mother nature plants things in odd numbers and he tries to mimic that in the spaces he creates.  Something about that idea really resonated with me when I thought about our family.  It wasn't so much that this MADE me think we needed another child, but it just kind of added another element to the quite voice that was always in the back of my mind saying "maybe our family isn't done yet, maybe one more..."  I don't know, maybe it was the even number that was throwing me off and making it hard to say definitively, "yes, we are done having kids" (because even in my public post declaring we were done with that stage, I ended with "for now."  Obviously I wasn't fooling myself or anyone else because here we are expecting baby number three and very few people were actually surprised by the news).

The irony is that Scott and I always thought we wanted an even number of children -- either two or four, not one, not three.  I have no idea why, but it was a completely arbitrary "rule" we both felt strongly about.   I think that "rule" influenced our original thought that we were done with two children.  We knew we weren't going to have four (unless we happened to be blessed with twins, which, don't panic, we have not been) and so we thought we had to stop.  But, I guess sometimes you just can't fight mother nature and she really wanted to plant an odd number in our garden :).

 I have to say, this does appeal to my need for symmetry... the depiction of the baby as a girl is pure speculation (and hopeful thinking) on Millie's part :)

Other random thoughts on my third (and final) pregnancy:

• I have a dear friend who has suffered three miscarriages in the past year-and-a-half while trying to have a second child.  This has made me 1) very aware of the fragility of  pregnancy (and life in general), 2) guilty at times for being pregnant with my third knowing how much she wants another child in her life (irrational guilt yes -- I know in my head that there are not a finite number of babies waiting in heaven to be given to a family, and that I did not "take" a baby that could have been hers; my heart still breaks for her anyway and I do not want to be a source of pain for her; which again, I KNOW I am not, but yeah ...)
• I do not consider myself a worrier or an anxious person by nature, but I've been much more anxious about things this time around.  Some of the things I've worried (usually irrationally) about at various points in the pregnancy:
• something going wrong with the pregnancy -- I think knowing the struggles of my friend as well as my age (being over the dreaded 35...) has just made me much more anxious this time around and much more reluctant to talk/write about the pregnancy for fear of "jinxing" anything
• people thinking I'm too old to be pregnant again (see above age: 35)
• people thinking two is enough and why would I be having another child?  I know that families of more than two children are quite common, but we don't happen to have any of those families in our immediate circle of friends, so it really feels like we are bucking the trend of two.  Even though we are clearly not pioneers in this area
• that the spacing between this child and Merrill is too big and the youngest will feel left out
• the dynamics that are created with 3 children -- who is going to be left out?  Will they all be friends?  
• the baby is due August 12, the girls start the new school year August 15.  It will be Merrill's first day of pre-school. I don't want to miss it.  I hope the timing isn't too much for the girls and that all of the transitions aren't too difficult. 
• I am SO un-enthused  about maternity clothes.  I've been shopping/looking a couple of times and purchased a couple of things, but overall I am just NOT looking forward to maternity clothes.  Most of them are just unappealing and I don't want to spend the money.  For now I'm making do with sun- and maxi-dresses with a jean jacket or sweater and the one pair of maternity jeans I did purchase.  
• I had a lot more nausea this time around (considering I didn't really have any with the other two) and am thankful that stage has passed
• I also had a lot of food aversions that just happened to include some of my favorite foods (hummus, peanut butter, cooked vegetables -- especially broccoli and brussels sprouts)  This was seriously not a good thing for a vegetarian!  It didn't mean I ate less necessarily (though I'm definitely eating more now that the aversions are mostly gone), I just ate a lot of non-smelly, easily digestible starchy carbs like bread and crackers.   
• Now that the food aversions and nausea are over, the heartburn and indigestion have begun -- fun!  This must be another hairy child :)
• I enjoyed a lot of ice cream during my first two pregnancies.  I've had it twice this time around -- the first time it gave me severe heartburn, the second time it gave me severe stomach cramps.  I'm thinking ice cream is off the list of fun pregnancy foods.  Probably better for me in the end anyway :).
• I do crave a lot of chocolate, but it too gives me indigestion along with all things sweet.  One of these days I'm going to learn my lesson and just stop eating it.  This baby is trying to make me a healthier person (though it's also making vegetables hard to eat so not sure where that leaves me!)
• I'm not "doing" this pregnancy any better than the other two -- my hair is dry, my skin is dry and completely broken out (seriously, I have to spackle my face every morning to just look half-way normal and even then the results are questionable), I'm bloated ... I am just not a "cute" pregnant lady. The swelling hasn't started yet, maybe I'll be lucky on that one.  But I guess no one goes into a pregnancy to improve their looks (though better hair at least would be nice)
• I've been more crabby this time around.  At least, I'm hoping it's the pregnancy, otherwise I really feel for my family!
• I was very fatigued during the first trimester and was pretty much useless.  My daily accomplishments were minimal and we had more t.v. afternoons and dinners out than I would have liked
• I have more energy now, but am still pretty wiped out at the end of the day.  I think this may be my new state of "normal" and I want to learn to work with it :)
• If we did a count of Old Wives Tales based on all of the above, the predicted sex of this baby would be a girl.  This would make Millie and Merrill very happy -- though we are finally at the place where they accept that we don't get to choose a boy or girl and say they will be happy with either (even though they continually refer to the baby as a girl because as Millie said "we don't know, so let's just say girl")
• I had an odd experience early on where a name "came" to me -- it is a name that is traditionally associated with one sex, but could be used for either.  It's not a name that we considered in the past and not a name that I would have thought I would pick, but I'm having a hard time shaking it.  
•  I'm looking forward to the coming stages of pregnancy and actually looking pregnant instead of just like I've been eating too much (which, I probably have...)
• I'm definitely in the nesting phase and I have a strong urge to purge and organize every closet and cabinet in the house -- I am a bit overwhelmed by this urge and am having a hard time starting.  Though we (Scott) have painted the entire basement, including Scott's office, and gotten a good start on organizing that area and have also moved quite a bit of furniture around the whole house in the process
• We have our "big" ultrasound at the end of the month.  We haven't decided yet if we are going to find out the sex of the baby.  We didn't for either of the girls, but are considering it this time to help give Millie and Merrill time to process the information. A part of me still doesn't want to find out. 
• I'm excited, but nervous, to have this new baby with us and see how our lives grow and change and expand with a new life to share them with.  I guess that part doesn't change no matter how many times you've done this!